Translating A Few Poems From Gu Cheng
Feeling
by Gu Cheng
Sky is grey
Roads are grey
Buildings are grey
Rain is grey
In the murky gray
Two childs pass by
One is in bright red
Another in light green
A Case
by Gu Cheng
Dark nights
as groups
of masked men
come close quietly
and then walk away
I lost my dreams
having only the smallest coin in pocket
"I am robbed"
I said to the sun
It then chases a group of dark nights
but is chased by another group of
dark nights
Realization
by Gu Cheng
It's the tear
dripping slow like balata that
puts the heart's fragments together
It's the shared agony that
brings about our love
not the revel
Far and Near
by Gu Cheng
You
Look at me awhile
Look at clouds awhile
I feel that
You are so far while looking at me
So near while looking at clouds
Vanessa 探花 | 01/23/2008
Very good try, but couple of words may not be the most suitable choices. :)
感觉
作者：顾城
天是灰色的
路是灰色的
楼是灰色的
雨是灰色的
在一片死灰中
走过两个孩子
一个鲜红
一个淡绿
Feeling
by Gu Cheng
Sky is grey
Roads are grey
Buildings are grey
Rain is grey
In the murky gray
Two childs pass by ["child" plural form should be "children", and "pass by" used on people usually means they're died]
One is in bright red
Another in light green
Vanessa 探花 | 01/23/2008
I would like to have a try too. :)
Dark sky
grey roads
dark buildings
grey rain
Among dark and grey
walked by two little kids
one in sharp red
and one in light green
因火成烟 榜眼 | 01/24/2008
In the murky gray
Two childs pass by ["child" plural form should be "children", and "pass by" used on people usually means they're died]
One is in bright red
Another in light green
Vanessa,thank you very much for your comments.
as for the words you picked up,i'd like to say that i chose "Two childs" on purpose because i thought it would be more visual to transfer a meaning of "two".but as you said,it might not be a good choice.but "pass by" i think does not directly equal the meaning of "passing away"?however in your version,"walked by" apparently is better.
anyway,thank you for taking time to read my translations and even to comment then have your try.you offered me another way of thinking.and that is for me very constructive!
Vanessa 探花 | 01/24/2008
Hi, 今 天上班時看了你的翻譯, 隨便留了言. 不要介意. 見笑了! HAHA
原來你刻意用CHILDS, 看來還是蠻有深度.
對不起我想錯了 PASS BY. 你說 的對, PASS AWAY是講死掉了. 我是直覺覺得WALK BY會更適合. PASS BY有刻意避開的意思, 而WALK BY是PHSICALLY 走過, 不帶主觀刻意. 不過兩者幾乎沒區別.
你的英文很不錯.
大家互相學習. 謝謝! :)
因火成烟 榜眼 | 01/26/2008
你太过奖了，对，互相学习交流，这样才能进步更快：）